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Jamaican-Made Cars

 
   
  Black Singles Online
A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE PRIME MINISTER OF JAMAICA, Percival James Patterson

As of 2001 there will be no more importation of motorcars into Jamaica. I have finalised a deal with the major manufacturers around the world and instead of importing their vehicles into Jamaica and selling them at exorbitant prices we will now be assembling them in Jamaica, under license, then selling them for exorbitant prices. The cars, trucks, busses and vans will all essentially be the same as the manufacturers except for one major difference, these new all Jamaican models will have the names of people, important and significant in Jamaican society both past and present.

The first two cars to roll of the production line will be for those two old political adversaries; first the MORRIS MANLEY and secondly the PROTON SEAGA. The SEAGA will be available in green only and won't have a horn but a bell instead. The MANLEY will be available in off white. The next set of cars will come as a gang of five. The CHEVY CHARLES is black with a prominent white streak across the top and comes in African tribal colors. This will be joined by the ISUZU ANDERSON, the VAUXHALL VAZ and the ever popular TOYOTA BARTLETT. There was going to be a fifth called the LADA SAMUDA but we've been terrible trouble with this one as it keeps swinging from side to side. Back and forth and back and forth.

There will be a car to commemorate DR. OMAR DAVIES' work in the financial sector. Originally from Germany it'll be known as the AUDI. AUDI backside can anyone afford a car? Actually Omar has worked miracles! Nowadays the cars are worth more than the banks and the banks crash more than the cars. For the man in the street there will be the FIAT UNUH. While for PJ there will be the MITSUBISHI PJERO. For my deputy Prime Minister FOGGY MULLINGS there's one called the SIDEKICK. There will be a pick-up led by the DODGE RAM-TALLIE. And a Motorcycle. The HONDA GOLDING. You'll only get THIRD PARTY INSURANCE on this.

There'll be a reproduction car called the NATTY MORGAN. This'll be released ... umm ... sorry, my mistake it's already escaped and been shot. In our agricultural export sector there'll be a car called the Toyota DRUG RUNNER and for the DEA we'll have the NISSAN GRASSFINDER. There will be a line of sports cars led by the PORSCHE SIMPSON followed quickly by the MAZDA MIRAAHTID. There will also be a line of luxury cars. You'll have to be very careful with these as they can siphon away money at a frightening rate and no one has any idea where it has gone. They come with Persian rugs, chandeliers, brass and gold taps on the basins and mahogany interior woodwork and they will have names like the HONDA CIVIL SERVANT, MITSUBISHI MINISTER OF STATE and farm work special, the JAG SMITH.

Last but not least for our two famous founding fathers of politics from Italy the NORMAN MANZERATTI and from Japan the MITSUBISHI BUSTAMANTE.

 


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