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Yellow Fever Outbreak At The Olympics
It has been reported that there has been a terrible outbreak of Yellow Fever. The outbreak started in Beijing, the Bird's Nest Olympic stadium to be exact; however sources have linked its origin to the tiny island of Jamaica in the Caribbean Sea.
It seems the virus was transmitted by a set of Jamaican athletes who participated in the 2008 Beijing Olympics; one particular athlete - Usain Bolt - was dangerously contagious. At first the virus infected 91,000 people at the Bird's Nest stadium a few days ago; however it has been spreading rapidly to millions of persons worldwide.
The symptoms include:
- Spontaneous & uncontrollable dancing fits, especially the Nuh Linga & Gully Creeper dance moves
- The need to wear yellow clothing & wave Jamaican flags
- Screaming uncontrollably at your TV
- Shock, awe & speechlessness
Many victims have become crazed and can be seen running on the streets in Jamaica, acting like they have just won a 100m race at the Olympics in 9.69 seconds.
Although most victims suffer from the symptoms above, the virus does seem to have different effects on others, in particular Americans. These differing symptoms include:
- Badmind
- Grudgefulness
- Envy
- A general uncontrollable dislike of all things Jamaican
Additionally, American victims seem unable to grasp many things - such as batons, and the fact that people can actually run fast without performance enhancing drugs.
So far, scientists have not been able to find a cure, and it is feared that the entire world will be infected in just a matter of days. The long term prognosis is not good either, as it is feared that there is another generation of Jamaican athletes who have this deadly virus in their system and will be unleashing it on the world in even more record doses.
For uninfected person, in order to remain immune, your only hope is to stop watching television (except for NBC), stay off the Internet, and move as far away from civilized, rational humans as you can.
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